There are two people in this world with the power to caress and crush my heart in the same moment. I cannot, will not, walk away from either completely. One has been absent for a good number of years, the other stays absent only for (relatively) short periods of time, and then pops up with a short text or IM here and there.
Both set my heart throbbing, my mind spinning, my soul searching. Both warm me instantly from inside out, no matter that I realize one will be forever unavailable to me and the other just isn’t capable of reaching out.
And this is yet another reason I will be single for maybe the rest of my life. Anyone coming into my life has to live up to the incredible ways those in my past have touched my life, my heart, and my soul.
And while these two are the ones who unnerve me with their power, there are many others who made huge impacts on my life in positive ways, making me understand what I should not ever be without. A mind that challenges, a smile that melts my heart, a gentle but firm hand, a warm embrace, a shoulder to lean on, a tender kiss, a calming spirit, a capable approach, a positive outlook, a voracious appetite for love, a free spirit (or at the very least, the ability to accept mine), spontaneity, the capacity to love the world, and the desire to help others. These things are the basis of the person who I need to walk into my life. Without them, I cannot see the future extending further than the past.
My heart is pounding, my mind screaming. But I still won’t let go…